Nib #12: Biden’s Botched SOTU, Part 2: Personal Pronoun Problems

As a rule, “Write like you talk” is good advice. Spoken language is human beings’ native tongue. (That’s why writing is so hard: see Nib #3 here.)

One of the few caveats to this rule pertains to personal pronouns. Americans today say I, we, us, you, your, our, and my so frequently and so casually that young writers are stunned by how powerfully those words can come across on the page.

It is apparently a lesson President Biden’s speechwriters are still learning, too.

Last week, we explored the unhelpfully aggressive tone of Biden’s 2024 State of the Union Address and how it undermined what could have been an effective speech.

But there was another glaring unforced error in the text: its misuse and abuse of personal pronouns.

This week, I roughly charted every election-year State of the Union’s use of personal pronouns going back to Jimmy Carter’s in 1980. (See chart below.) It’s a small sample size and imperfect metric, of course. But even so, Biden’s speech stands out.

Biden’s speech used the word “I” 114 times, more than any other election-year SOTU except Bill Clinton’s self-congratulatory swan-song in 2000 (122 times) — and not by a little. He referred to himself more than twice as often as Donald Trump in 2020 (46 I's), Barack Obama in 2016 (44 I's) or 2012 (45 I's), or George W. Bush in 2008 (31 I's) or 2004 (27 I's).

His SOTU used the words “me” (20 times) and “my” (48 times) more than any other’s. He also said “you” — probably the most subtly aggressive, accusatory word in written English — 64 times, more than any other except, again, Clinton in 2000 (83 times).

Moreover, Biden’s use of the more inclusive, first-person plural pronouns “our” (38 times) and “we” (64 times) ranked dead last and next-to-last of the 12 speeches.

Just like last week’s Nib, this is not a critique of Biden’s growling delivery of the SOTU, or the policies it advocated. Strictly as a matter of persuasive writing, 114 I’s cannot but undermine a speech supposedly about the future of the country and fighting for the little guy.

Sixty-four “you’s” from an unpopular president ostensibly trying to unify the country has the same problem. This speech should have been all “us” and “we” and “our.”

In 2024, Joe Biden isn’t just running against Donald Trump and the Republicans. He is running against the perception that his party and administration are elitist, out of touch, and look down on everyday Americans.

His State of the Union should have helped change that perception. Instead, Biden’s personal pronoun problem exacerbated it.

The lesson for young speechwriters? Whenever possible, make the first person plural and the second person gracious.

Until next week… keep writing!

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Nib #19: Meet Your Audience Where They Are

17 May, 2024

It’s the writer’s job to persuade, not the audience’s *to be* persuaded. To move readers from A to B, you have to meet them at A.

Nib #18: Joe Biden’s Pretty Good Campus Chaos Speech

10 May, 2024

The Nib of the Week’s frequent criticism of President Joe Biden’s speeches belies the soft spot I’ll always have for the guy. So it was nice to see Ole Joe give a pretty good speech about the snarling “encampments” besetting America’s college campuses this Spring. Let’s dive in. The speech begins poorly, alas, with a muddled riff about “fundamental American principles” and some bush-league partisan preening about “authoritarianism” and “those who rush in to score political points.” But then the tone shifts. “Violent protest is not protected [by our Constitution]; peaceful protest is. It’s against the law when violence occurs.” The language is a bit stilted there, but Biden soon hits his stride. In quick succession, he calls out: “destroying property … vandalism, trespassing, breaking windows, shutting down campuses, forcing the cancellation of classes and graduations … threatening people, intimidating people, instilling fear.” Note the hard, prosecutorial word choices. Then, Biden goes even further, aligning himself with the students the encampments are harassing. Then, God love him, Biden goes there: “There should be no place on any campus, no place in America for antisemitism or threats of violence against Jewish students… There is no place for racism in America. It’s all wrong. It’s un-American.” Conservative readers may question why anyone should give the president credit for a belated and banal endorsement of basic justice and American political norms. But look more closely at what the president did here: he punched, effectively, to his left. Biden’s biggest problems this election year are the public perceptions that (a) he is a bumbling incompetent in mental decline, and (b) he shares the woke extremism of the New Left. This speech pushes back on both narratives. Biden energetically indicts the encampments’ criminal tactics and then outright condemns their motivating, anti-Semitic bigotry -- targeting the very voters Biden and Democrats need to win in November. Theretofore, most elite Democrats had tried to thread various rhetorical needles on the encampments. “Criticizing Israel isn’t anti-Semitic!” “99% of the protesters are peaceful!” “Rioting is the language of the unheard!” Biden, by contrast, shoves through the bothsidesism like a snowplow. Riots are bad, period . Anti-Semitism is bad, period . Shutting down colleges is bad, period . No doubt some in the White House wanted more nuance, more “but of course…”, more attacks against Republicans or even — gulp — Israel. But those would have compromised the mission of the speech, which was to re-assert Biden’s membership in the United States of Normal, Everyday Americans. Good on him — and whoever in the White House speech-approval process kept the text on the rails. The lesson for young writers — when an issue arises enabling you to triangulate with 97% of the country against a tiny fringe of mouthy, racist criminals, be like Joe and don’t overthink it. Moral clarity still works. Until next week… keep writing!